Dreams

The mind is a very powerful organ, and if you listen to it, you can learn a lot about yourself.

I woke up this morning at 4am so upset. I had just had the most vivid dream. I dreamed I was on vacation in a place that I didn't know with my parents, my grandparents, and two friends of my grandparents that I didn't know. We got on a bus to go out and see the city and we were very far away from our hotel, and we were talking about where we were going to go and what kind of sites we were going to see.

Then I looked up and they were gone.

I looked and searched. There were crowds and crowds of people all around me, but I couldn't find my parents, and in my dream I remember feeling so helpless. The huge wave of helplessness and being all alone was so strong and so vivid. I was crying in my dream and calling out. I looked all over the place where we had been, thinking they were looking for me too.

I saw Tom Cruise up on stage and his bodyguards were wearing orange shirts and they tossed me out of one area. (I still don't know what that part represents???)

Then in my dream a total stranger pointed out to me that I had started my period and my clothes were messed up, and I was so embarrassed that all the other tourists could see me.

Finally my parents showed up and I was so mad at them because they had left me alone for so long. I asked them where they had been and they told me that they had gone to Sea World, Six Flags, and the zoo. I asked them didn't they notice that I wasn't there and that I was lost.

Oh yes, they said, but the friends of my grandparents had the tickets to the amusement parks and they didn't like me, so they said I couldn't come to the amusement parks. "But we could see you" my parents told me, "you were fine, if you needed anything we were right there all you had to do was call us."

They couldn't understand why it was any big deal. They were "right there" they told me, they could see me, if I needed anything they would have been there for me.

I was so angry that I was shouting at them and I woke up at that point, still very angry!

When I woke up, I thought to myself "wow, that was a weird dream" and I tried to roll over and go back to sleep. (It was 4am you know; I'm not a morning person) But I couldn't go back to sleep. I was still so angry and hurt. So I lay there thinking about the dream.

And suddenly it hit me like a ton of bricks. I had some serious anger issues. I was very mad at people that I considered to be very good friends because they had left me, they abandoned me in a time when I needed them most. It wasn't about me, strange as that sounds coming from me. They didn't leave me because of anything that I had done, it was simply the situation that life had put us all in. But the fact of the matter is, they were still gone and I was angry.

This anger is getting in the way of moving on. Things change in life, friends move in and out of your life, and it's time I let go of that anger. That anger is keeping me from enjoying the small handful of friends that I still have because I'm focusing on the ones that I lost. My anger caused me to close down that part of my life and ignore it.

So after mulling it all over in my little brain, lying there under my electric blanket with my sweet kitty purring there next to me, I had a good cry for the friends that I have lost. I had a good cry and released all the pent up anger I was holding inside my heart.

Then I got up, washed my face, and I'm ready to move on.

Now if anyone can explain to me what the Tom Cruise/orange shirted bodyguards part of the dream meant, I would be greatly appreciative!