Layout I finished this morning

I put off working with the pictures from the morning Dave left until I could do the journaling with a strong heart.

Journaling reads:

It was cold and miserable the morning of March 4th as Dave and I prepared to say good-bye again as he left for his third Iraqi deployment in four years.
We received a pleasant surprise the morning before when we showed up for the original departure time, to find out we had a reprieve of 24-hours. But no reprieve was in sight this morning and we huddled together, trying to stay warm, and soaking up the last few precious moments that we had together.
Finally it was time to say a final good-bye and for him to get on the bus. I had been so brave so far, holding back the tears that I didn’t want him to see. As he stepped up on the bus, I could feel myself close to breaking down, but just when I thought I couldn’t hold it together for another moment, he stuck his head off the bus and gave me the cheesiest grin; it made me laugh out loud. That laughter gave me the courage to keep smiling until the buses were out of sight.

Dave Update

I've been emailing with Dave pretty regularly, these days. Being the Comm Officer does have it's perks.

He finally has a hooch (tent) all to himself, which for Dave means a lot. He's a private person and doesn't like to share living space. He said it was dirty beyond belief, but he's made it clean and livable.

He also says the chow is much better than expected and the little PX (store) that they have there is supplied with the things that they need.

However he does have a list of things that they want, little things that make their lives a little nicer. If anyone would like to have the list and send something to him, email me.

On another note, they have way more of certain things than they can ever use in two lifetimes. So many well meaning charitable groups have been sending toothbrushes, toothpaste, baby wipes, and hand sanitizer....Dave says they have cases and cases.

So spread the news, Girl Scout troops, church organizations, etc....people that want to send things to the troops, stop sending the basics and start ASKING what the guys need.

I Have Seen

I have seen true friendship. I have seen true charity, given out of love not just for show. I have seen true leadership. I have seen true honor. I have seen true courage. I have seen true love.

Red Square Girls Stick Together

You know the old saying about when God closes a door, somewhere he opens a window?

I can't tell you just how right that is.

Just when I was in such a deep dispair about my on line support system falling apart when I needed it the most, I met two of the nicest ladies here locally that I could ever want to know.

Kathy and I talk almost every day on the telephone and we've gone to Applebee's, shopping, and to the movies. It's comfortable to be around someone who is going through the same feeling that I am.

And Julie and her two sweet daughters are so much fun to be around. Little Emily's game of Thumbs Up or Thumbs Down keeps me in stitches. (thumbs up for A-1 Sauce, thumbs down for Heinz 57 sauce) We have plans to have a girl's day out and go get pedicures, and for them to come over here and do some scrapbooking with me.

So far our guys have been gone 15 days. Word from them is the base where they are is better than expected. The chow has been pretty good and they are impressed with the facilities that they have to work with. Mail is only taking about 10 days, even for big packages.

15 days down, only about 205 (there abouts) to go!

Dreams

The mind is a very powerful organ, and if you listen to it, you can learn a lot about yourself.

I woke up this morning at 4am so upset. I had just had the most vivid dream. I dreamed I was on vacation in a place that I didn't know with my parents, my grandparents, and two friends of my grandparents that I didn't know. We got on a bus to go out and see the city and we were very far away from our hotel, and we were talking about where we were going to go and what kind of sites we were going to see.

Then I looked up and they were gone.

I looked and searched. There were crowds and crowds of people all around me, but I couldn't find my parents, and in my dream I remember feeling so helpless. The huge wave of helplessness and being all alone was so strong and so vivid. I was crying in my dream and calling out. I looked all over the place where we had been, thinking they were looking for me too.

I saw Tom Cruise up on stage and his bodyguards were wearing orange shirts and they tossed me out of one area. (I still don't know what that part represents???)

Then in my dream a total stranger pointed out to me that I had started my period and my clothes were messed up, and I was so embarrassed that all the other tourists could see me.

Finally my parents showed up and I was so mad at them because they had left me alone for so long. I asked them where they had been and they told me that they had gone to Sea World, Six Flags, and the zoo. I asked them didn't they notice that I wasn't there and that I was lost.

Oh yes, they said, but the friends of my grandparents had the tickets to the amusement parks and they didn't like me, so they said I couldn't come to the amusement parks. "But we could see you" my parents told me, "you were fine, if you needed anything we were right there all you had to do was call us."

They couldn't understand why it was any big deal. They were "right there" they told me, they could see me, if I needed anything they would have been there for me.

I was so angry that I was shouting at them and I woke up at that point, still very angry!

When I woke up, I thought to myself "wow, that was a weird dream" and I tried to roll over and go back to sleep. (It was 4am you know; I'm not a morning person) But I couldn't go back to sleep. I was still so angry and hurt. So I lay there thinking about the dream.

And suddenly it hit me like a ton of bricks. I had some serious anger issues. I was very mad at people that I considered to be very good friends because they had left me, they abandoned me in a time when I needed them most. It wasn't about me, strange as that sounds coming from me. They didn't leave me because of anything that I had done, it was simply the situation that life had put us all in. But the fact of the matter is, they were still gone and I was angry.

This anger is getting in the way of moving on. Things change in life, friends move in and out of your life, and it's time I let go of that anger. That anger is keeping me from enjoying the small handful of friends that I still have because I'm focusing on the ones that I lost. My anger caused me to close down that part of my life and ignore it.

So after mulling it all over in my little brain, lying there under my electric blanket with my sweet kitty purring there next to me, I had a good cry for the friends that I have lost. I had a good cry and released all the pent up anger I was holding inside my heart.

Then I got up, washed my face, and I'm ready to move on.

Now if anyone can explain to me what the Tom Cruise/orange shirted bodyguards part of the dream meant, I would be greatly appreciative!

Finally There

I got an email from Dave this morning that they have made it to their final destination in country:

Hey Babe, finally arrived at our destination. We caught rides with a couple CH-46’s last night. I’m still trying to get things settled a little bit, and haven’t had a chance to get over to the phone center, but maybe later tonight (in the morning for you).
Anyway, things are looking like they’ll be fine here at camp. Things are very well established and it looks like we already have everything we need. Until the old unit leaves though, we’re all going to be a bit crowded. After they’re gone, we’ll have a little more room to spread out and relax.

For you civilians, the above picture is a CH-46, this is what they got to ride in on the last leg of their trip.

I know he is happy to finally getting to where they are going so he can get busy. Dave hates sitting and waiting and not doing anything. I imagine he was getting pretty bored at the last place with nothing to do.

The Red Square Club

Saturday, after Dave left, I started thinking about just how long seven months is...215 days, and I started to get really overwhelmed. I've decided that I just have to break it down into small achievable goals.

I celebrated the first full day; next it will be a week, then a month. I just have to focus on the little achievements, and then before I know it, they will be big achievements.

I've received two phone calls so far. He called Monday morning while they were at Camp Victory in Kuwait. He said the transportation will be getting smaller and smaller from here. Smaller planes and then down to helo's for the last leg.

This morning I got another call. They are stuck at a base in Iraq waiting out a sandstorm so they can fly on to their final destination.

Two other Warrant Officer's wives and I have a nice budding friendship started. Kathy's husband Jason is with Dave and Julie's husband Tim is a few days behind on the second part of the Main Body. Within a week, they will all be together at the final destination. So Tuesday morning Kathy and I got up early and went to hang with Julie as she said good-bye to Tim.

So after the buses pulled out, the three of us were hanging around talking to a Lieutenant when a Gunny walked up. The Lieutenant introduced us all "This is CWO J's wife, CWO W's wife, and CWO G's wife"

He looked at us, "What is this, the Red Square Club?"

We have an official nickname!

So the countdown begins....

It was pretty dang cold at 6am this morning here in the desert but it sure was pretty when the sun started peaking over the horizon.





It was a sea of digi cami brown as family members clung to each other, all the PDA rules forgotten on this day. Every wife was trying to store up as many memories as they could to carry us through the next seven months.

I buried my face in Dave's neck and breathed in the smell of him, trying to memorize the sound of his voice whispering in my ear, the taste of his kiss, and the feel of his arms around me. I couldn't stop looking up at his face, soaking in the sight of his silly smile.

I did pretty good, I was proud of myself. There were a few tears here and there, but I managed to hold it together until after he got on the bus.

Dave always had the ability to make me laugh...even when I feel like breaking down and crying my heart out, he made me just laugh out loud with his cheesy grin.


It wasn't until after the buses pulled out and I went to sit back down in my car that I lost it. He had put the driver's seat back into the position that I like it in. Just that little gesture put me over the edge and I had a good cry.

Today I am allowing myself to wallow in morose self pity; eating too much ice cream and watching way too much television.

Tomorrow, though, it's all behind me. I will get up and attack each day and pound out this deployment like the salty old Marine Corp wife that I am.